today, my sister’s 22nd birthday, marks exactly two weeks of my “deployment”. after a bumpy flight and a detour into dhaka i landed in kathmandu on the 12th of june, slept right through the 13th, started work on the 14th and relocated to my new job posting site – a very hot, humid and dusty city located on the southern belt of nepal the 20th.
only two weeks, but i have to admit, it feels more like two months. bracket this portion and allow me to paint you a glorious picture of how hot it is so that you understand how the miserable-ness of it is amusing:
the first night in our house i honestly woke up ten time because my shirt was soaked with my sweat. i woke up and showered and felt warm water ooze through my hair. my scalp was warming the cold shower water that quickly. as soon as i turned off the water i could feel sweat beads form on my nose and the clothes i put on were warm. they were warm as in they were giving off heat, just as the glass from which i drink endless glasses of water also is warm. all that water does no good because i am literally sweating 24 hours in a day. i have never in my life peed such yellow pee – as gross as that is, it’s the truth. it is hot. hot hot hot.
it’s not that i don’t like this job, so i don’t understand why these two weeks seem to be so much longer. i definitely miss being in a big city (trains! restaurants! shopping! events! shows!) and sorely miss my friends (a social life. now that would be nice). days in dc where i didn’t worry about snakebites and kidnappings and malaria, when i groaned to see the next train to shady grove was coming after a shocking 7 minute wait. dc, where i had my freedom and a life. it seems like a really really really long time ago. i can’t believe it hasn’t even been a month since i left.
when i told my boyfriend what i missed about dc, he asked why i didn’t quit my job and get in line for a visa instead (yikes – didn’t realize my complains were that extreme!). so, i tried to explain why i came back and why i was determined to stay. i came back to nepal to make it my home. i came back to get a true sense of what was going on in the country. and i took this job so that i would not lose myself in the Kathmandu bubble. i came to see, to experience just a little bit, but mainly to learn. why did everyone else come back? i don’t know.
…i had an interesting conversation with a senior editor of a very respected paper regarding this ‘coming back’ business before i actually landed in kathmandu. a member of ‘nepalbound’ had told him about this group i’d started for those of us heading back to give and get support/advice in job/career stuff and we spoke about why anyone does and should come back.
he distinguished between those who leave to find a better life, to support family back home and the more privileged that go to improve their own life. i agree with him that the latter ought to shoulder more of the responsibility of “doing something for nepal”. but, i disagreed with him on about the ‘why’. he was not interested in those that returned simply because they love their country but in those who would gain something as well in returning home. perhaps i disagreed because i came back mainly because i love my country. because i cannot enjoy the luxuries of life if i cannot at the very least pretend i am doing something, a direct or indirect something, to enable more in nepal to join that circle.
was my work with a peace-building organization in dc more of that than my current work observing the peace in nepal? i don’t know. but, if i am honest, i have to admit i’m aware of how i’ve romanticized the notion of being back and doing that something i think i am doing to contribute to the peace and progress of my country.
maybe the proximity makes all the difference; reading about loadshedding on my iphone pales in comparison to counting down the seconds till the fan start spinning again and permit me to go back to sleep. chugging through jeffery sachs’ ‘common wealth’ tastes different when i am sitting inside kramers than when i am bumping along on a ‘kachha’ road to a remote vdc. i suppose it suffices to say i want to be sure i know what i am talking about. i don’t want to be just that girl who jetted between dc and ktm and commented on the conflict and the peace process, without knowing what it meant for the countrymen.
…now to actually doing it. for the year. wish me luck, i’m not nearly as tough as i enjoyed thinking i was…
kasthamandap Said:
on July 6, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Good luck!
Reading your blog, and about what you are doing, really makes me feel very optimistic about Nepal and its future. Keep the faith.
Andy Said:
on July 23, 2009 at 12:09 am
I believe that your returning is as much as a personal choice as it is obligatory, at least in your eyes and perhaps the eyes of those who expect from you. I also believe that though you didn’t go back to Nepal so you “would gain something in returning home”, you would nonetheless gain something invaluable. So there really is no sense of wondering whether you would have done more or less in DC.
Endurance of hardship is a rare virtue found among those who do not have to endure out of necessity, but endure for a greater prospect. Please be strong and carry on! I find courage and inspiration from your journey. Granted that we have different goals in life, I am looking forward to my “returning to Nepal”.